i see you.
but not a single word uttered.
because i am afraid of making the biggest mistake.
and i am soo close to being yours.
won't you stay with me?

i let my thoughts fly.
to anywhere they want.

aniwae.
i know i have so much to do.
yet here i am blogging.
because i just feel like it.

sometimes you just affect me so much
that i can't help it
but keep on feeling confused.
and seriously i want to put a stop to this.

well on a lighter note,
at least i am feeling better(:
bettter than what i used to be
a few months ago(:

i better get back to what i have to do.
nites peeplings(;

a few hours ago.
i was back at cvss red cross.
somehow i just miss those times training hard under the hot hot sun.
being reprimanded now and then.

and now when i think of it.
it was those times
that we all laughed together.
cried together.
sweat together.
smell together.

and to think abt it.
i will be attending the camp in march(:
i miss those crazy buddies of mine(:

i am kinda scared.
i am afraid i have to drop one cca
to cope with red cross(:

and it feels as if i am falling in love with red cross
all over again.
those drills
those shoutings
those commands
those first aid bags.
those stretchers
those ropes.
those tents
oh boy. red cross is love(:

thats all i have to say
toodles peeplings(;

finally
some time to blog.
this days its been better.

really i have been happier.
i have been smiling from ear to ear.
and phew. at least something's solve(:

and just now that retarded cecilia is viewing my blog.
she was sitting beside me.
duno doing what.
den she laugh for no reason
crazy women. HAHA

just now i had to wait for 6 hours just to present.
but its all worth it now as i am over and done with it(:
great job guys(:

and seriously i duno what to do tomorow. haiz
attend cvss rcy cny celeb or
ehem ehem.

and so i got to log off this lappie by 12
as abg dee ask me to):
but i know he is just concern for me.
thx abg. adek appreciate it(:

and now all i need is to sleep and rest.
i can't wait for tomorow(:
nites peeplings(;

and i miss u kakak.

today i learn
i learn to read an ica brief carefully
HAHA
okay okay.
at first i was so confused
but now i understand(:

a long bus trip home was just what i needed
a short time of period alone
with the music blasting in my ears.
i just look at the sky
and calm down.
think of those beautiful memories.

i am excited.
because theres stage arts tomorow(:
i miss them truckloads.

just to put your mind at ease
you don't owe me anything
you paid me well in memories
(a fine frenzy-think of you.)

and yes.
finally
i feel grown up because now i know
now i know how to survive.
and i understand
why things have to go
this way
or that way.
because in the end we all know things will get better.
ouh shut up nisah

okay i got to get back to project.
(:
toodles peeplings(;

numb.
i feel so numb.
when you have had so much.
it wont affect you anymore.
maybe it will but not that much
because you know what to do.
how to react
but never
never ever know
how to solve.

when shitty things happen,
look on the bright side of life(:
smile like nobody's business.
laugh like you have never laugh before.
coz i believe smile and laughter are the medicine
medicine that can cure anything.
anything that is painful to the heart.

today was normal.
normal like any other day.
except that there was an eclipse
a sun eclipse.
instead of seeing a cresent moon
it was a cresent sun(:
i din get to see it real life.
but i saw it on tv(:

from now on.
i will only do what my mind says.
not what my heart says.
let me protect what's mine from now on.

so yeah
toodles peeplings(:

today was normal.

it felt as if i was back in the past again.
where i was a few months back.
but this time round
it didn't bother me so much.

so today me, mum, dad, bro
went on a trip to visit our relatives in johor.
and u all know how i long so much for family outings(:
so this outing actually cheered up my day.

how i wish. i have family outings every week.
and you guys know.
it is so hard to see me being lady-like.
the only time you can see me that way
is when i am feeling shy.
or with my family members.

i love my family(:

happy new chinese new year to all my chinese friends(:
gong xi fa cai(:

this ain't a fairytale.

have you ever heard?
of a girl who kept repeating her mistake
till she lost all her friends?

well i have.
and i realise that girl
was someone i know
someone i see everyday in front of the mirror.
and that girl is me.

stupid girl
makes stupid mistakes.

it takes someone close to know me
it takes someone simple to understand me.
and it takes someone i like to make me smile.

it feels as if.
you open that door.
asking me to come in.
as i take that step forward.
you slam that same door shut.
ouch! thats how i feel.

and i so need to talk to twin right now.
and as i end this post.
my eyes start to water.

coz honestly i wish a miracle could happen
right now between
me, you, you, her, and you.

nothing is ever easy in life.
you just have to hurt people.
because we don't always get what we want.
and hurting them now.
is the best choice rather than later on.

simplicity creates wonders
but sometimes.
being simple is so complicated.
that you end up confusing yourself.
this is just for the time being.
till everything fades away.

the past five days was so packed that i could hardly breathe.
now i can heave a huge sigh of relieve now that everything's done
just have 2 more ica's and there come exams.

i wanna score this sem
so i will start now(:
i mean
in a few hours time. hehe(;

being true is hard
being fake is hard.
nothing's ever easy in live.

and when you love someone sincerely
obstacles will always come in your way.

don't ever let go
but what you should always do is to hold on
hold on to each other
hold on and say
things will get better

never frown
but always smile.
as smiles creates wonders.
just a simple smile will do(:

3 hours of endless talk with abg
about everything that was lingering in our minds
it made me feel so much better
and it made me smile.
thx abg.
your the best(:

i have nothing else to say.
so
toodles peeplings(;

don't tell what you think to someone.
because what you think
may not be what you feel.

i'd rather this goes on.
i'd rather i feel miserable after that
rather then losing another friend.

well at least
i always have a good time with stage arters.
love you all stage arters(:

and now.
my nephew is still unwell.
i am sad because i can't play with him

and i realise i have so many things to do
in so little time.
i have 3 assignments to be completed by friday and nothing is done.
i have one test on friday and i have yet to start studying
ouh god.
please just pause time for a while.
so that i can try to catch up

and thx julian.
for everything
you always make me feel better.
i am fine okay(:
sorry that i can't tell you what i said to her.
its about that fasting.
HAHA!

aniwae
today was at least a better day
coz i din see someone around(:
coz he din disturb and try to irritate me
though he always fails to do that.
HAHA!

okay lah.
i think i should start on my insight papers(;
nites peeplings(;

first of all.

i would like to wish happy birthday to this retarded friend of mine.

a irritating and noisy yet lovable and trustable friend he is.

so to dearest jac loong, happy birthday.

see ya at stage arts in a few hours(;

i feel miserable.
it is as if the wound has reopen.
making me feel hurt.
making me think of myself
as a joke.

went to watch oktolive programme at mediacorp today.
it was okay lah
but towards the end,
i realise that valentine day is coming so fast.

i still think that new year was just yesterday.
i can't believe how fast time is flying.
and i wish for a date with Mr Z this year.
cause to tell you the truth.
i have never ever got a date for valentine's.
but its alright if i don't get a date with him.

because i would be able to sit at home and eat chocolates(:
and i can celebrate appreciation day instead(:

okay lah
i am turning in people. good night.
and once again
fadzly is a very very very bad guy.
threatens me all the time.
but i shall irritate him more.
muahaahaha
nites peeplings(:

i wish
for a miracle at this very moment.
all because i feel as though
something is missing;
missing from my life.

its making me feel so lonely
its making me feel so cold

maybe its time to open up.
but i am so afraid
afraid that i can never get up again.

if only anyone understood this part right here.
the part inside of me.
which only certain people know about it.
but fail to understand

point out my mistakes.
i need someone to guide me
to help me up when i fall
to make me smile when i am down.

simple things that not everyone can fulfill
and yes
that is how i feel
that is what i need
that is what i want.
but maybe not now.
because i know that
you will never know.

i like this photo(:


phew.



one presentation down for this week.
one test to go in a few hours
going to mediacorp for live recording of okto live in a few hours
one insight paper by friday
questions for interview by friday



the stress in on.
do well and your in
do badly and your out.



okay.
i am supposedly to be studying at this moment
but i am so excited
coz i want to upload the photo's on my phone
SINFONIAA!!



yes yes
syuhada is must be happy reading this



HAHAHA!
so here come the picha's!!

















nice nice nice nice nice i now miss the stage):

syuhada winnie and me(:

nadia,me,syu

alamak! sorry this picture ugly but idc(:

nadia sexy sehhh. woohoo.

me and syu(: org cakap macam twins! but she is like way prettier

nadia, me , syu. dressing room babe(;

nadia ask me to talk her photo(:

and again.

never bring camera use my phone. THX ARH!

and again. (he is a bad guy and his name is fadzly)

this is for portfolio.

then this guy act shy only. his name is rocky(:

and then wahhh pose siaaaaa. handsome jugak budak ni ehk.

this one is a nice guy. name is wilson tang(:

this one shy to take photo. her name is syuhada(:
beautiful girl(:

and then we had a so called candid shot(:

abit cacat but i like(: coz i know i am imperfect(:

so there they are

some of the people from soundcard that i love(:

this is just part of them(:

so i got to get back to studying

nites peeplings(;

about 14 hours back
i was at the esplanade
preparing for simfonia.
bragging about how i could have brought my laptop
and do my report.

and now that when the thing is over,
all of us can't get the song out of our heads.
even if the others din get the song stuck,
i did.

it was a funny yet memorable experience
especially when the part that both boys and girls
have to share the same huge washroom
which is open to everyone.
so when the girls were pee-ing in the cubicles,
the boys were staring at the mirrors adjusting their hair.

apparently i saw fadzly eating candy cane.
so i wanted one
fadzly i want candy cane(:
then he pointed to his dick.
i ask a few times
and he pointed to his dick.
so baddddddddd.
so i din get candy cane.
coz my syuhada ran out of them):

then during lunch.
we were playing the ti-ti-ti-tee game
so funny.
so fun(:

so in short
i love soundcarders as well(:
thx for making it a memorable one guys(:
i am a happy happy girl(;

Do you even care what I'm going through?
Your eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me
Do you even know how much it hurt?

kites fly high in the sky.
but here i am
still stuck on that same old tree.

when i said i won't ever try again.
i lied.
because i know i will try again.
i will never stop
i wanna make things right.
and i will.

i feel as though i can't move.
this feeling is soooo sucky
that i can't stand it
and thanx for making me feel this way.
if u wanna make me feel guilty
well give yourself a huge round of applause
coz u have succeed so well.

and ouh yes.
thx friend for making me smile again(:
and ouh yes.
stage arter's are loved.
i really really love them.
we can laugh the whole bus trip
from ang mo kio to tampines.
laughing about nothing but faeces.

okay i am happy now
i will go to sleep later
worrying only about my project.
chaos peeplings(:

don't ask me questions i can't answer.
dun say things that will make me hope.
i hate it
yes
i hate it.

a piece of advice.
when you realise that you are tired
and waiting too long for something to start
and you don't feel like talking
just go to sleep(:

yes
that's what i did while waiting for rehearsals to start.
when i woke up
it still hasn't started.

this days
i have been feeling so lethargic
i think i have been overworking myself
i have had no rest since school started after the term break.
after 19 jan.
i will be able to rest for a while.
i am looking forward to resting(:

i am looking forward to stage arts.
in a few hours time i will see them(:

i will end my post here.
nites peeplings(:

seriously boys.
please don't go around breaking girls hearts
if you wanna joke.
please joke about something that is reasonable.
alright(:

bad day.
had flu,
mr interviewee was not able to make it.
had back pain.
broken heart
everything you could think of.

and for the first ever time.
i have a severe mood swing.
like seriously.
my mood SWING.
and now i know how the other girls
who have mood swings feel):

tomorow.
photoshop prac.
i am so gonna die as i know nuts!
but
i will just try my best(:
and now i am gonna find a way to cheer myself up
nites peeplings(:

when things get confusing,
what would you do?
seriously
i duno

do you chant out loud?
or do u just stare blankly at nothing.
i duno

should you give chances to everyone?
or just stick to one?
i duno

if i could have the abililty to predict the future
i am sure to have known the answer.

but whats definite right now is
i am hungry.
but yeah
i am not gonna eat.
its too late to eat.
(:

okay.
at least i am a happy girl
i got new earpiece and 4 gb thumbdrive(:
with the 50 dollars voucher.

so i have a happy happy girl(:
nites peeplings(:

i seriously duno what to talk about
but i just wanted to blog about smething

ouh.
congrats to twinno for her very very very good results.
and ouh.
sorry to hear about my other friends who just couldn't pass
more than 2 subjects.
):

i duno whats wrong
like almost all my sec 5 O-levels friends scored badly
its so unexpected
especially
when i got to know that syaza and afiqah
did badly.
haiz.
what to do
all i can do is pray that allah will show them ways.
seriously
i am sad.

and this days.
i have been feeling so confused.
i duno why.

and seriously
i duno what else to type.
so i will just state the upcoming birthdays

abg dee- 15 jan
rosleila- 26jan

and i swear i am broke):
okay lah i will end my post here.
goodnites peeplings(:

all my friends keep wondering
why don't i go gu-gu-ga-ga
over a hot and handsome guy?

and now i am wondering
why do i go gu-gu-ga-ga
over an average joe?
maybe i'm different.

i find that
an average joe
always has better qualities than of a hot guy.
they always have a special charm factor.
(the ones that i spot lah)
i duno lah

and nowadays
i notice that i have not been dressing up well
i have been wearing anything that i can reach out of the closet first
ouh wells.
maybe i have just come to a point
where i find dressing up is useless.
coz i will always look ugly.

and i think i am getting sick
i feel cold
and i keep sneezing
and i know i can't afford to get sick.
so i will do something about it.

there are so many things i wanna say
but it maybe to sensitive to be blogged here(:
so i will just keep it to myself.
okay nites
toodles peeplings(:

please get well soon(:

today
was the last performance we had for open house
we were finally allowed to perform
AT THE ATRIUM!

and we did better than yesterday
and better than thursday
(:
i am glad that we made up for yesterday's disappointing one.

but i am so gonna miss all this laughters
all this trainings.
but its alright
i am still gonna have other chances(:

thanx to kaye and ilham for directing us.
i dare say it was a success(:
though the crowd wasn't really there(:

okay lah
i will grab hold of the video soon alright(:
nites peeplings(:

alhamdullilah
nyp has talent is over
no i did not win

yes i am disappointed a little bit
because i knew i could have done better
i will take this as a stepping stone.
to improve each and everytime i perform.

i am happy
coz i was given this chance
to perform in a final
of a competition
as a soloist.
thank you judges.
and thank you again
for still giving me a 100 dollars harvey norman voucher
and i know what to buy already(:

and without this people
i could have never made this happen
thx to those who helped out with my singing
syuhada and fadzly
thank you to those who actually took their time off
just to see me perform.
thank you
the people i remebered are
amalina,(came in the afternoon),lydia,edwyna,ABANG!(:,leila,rai,raudhah,khadijah,
deanna and many many more

but the two people whom i wanna thank most is
hidayah and hanif.
you guys were willing to travel to nyp and get lost just to catch my performance.
though you missed it
but still
you guys are the best(:
love you twin(:

and seriously
i am happy
and i will end this post
with a smile(:

within two days.

two different things happen

first was the nail
next i just can't say it
yes i feel sick
and i am sick.

if i were to die soon
i would have regret
not doing all he asked me to

but i wouldn't regret
about the time i spent with lovely people
thanx for making my live a happy one
and it may be ending soon

some people go on to the nnext chapter
but i am reaching the conclusion.
i'll just end it here.

i feel tired
i feel cold
i feel hungry
and i have no mood for anything
except to just sleep
or meet SA peeps.

i duno
yesterday
everything felt fine
till the moment when you said her name
i am sorry
please dun talk about her already alright
i just feel down.

somehow
i just find that SA is getting smaller.
and i dun like not see-ing my SA peeps.
i dun like not having drama sessions
coz i know that it is the only time
that i can laugh till i have muscle cramps.
yes you guys always make up my day.

i am being very sensitive this days.
very very very indeed
i'll just end it here
afternoon peeplings(:

i can hide it no more.
i miss you
i really do

i miss those times when i always
told all those lame stuff
just
to see you smile

i miss those times when
we ate together
talking about the things that we dun share with others

i miss the special bonding we had.
and even when i type this post
tears are flowing

i miss my kakak
i miss talking to her
i dun know where she heard that we were sick and tired
i dun know where she would ever think of doing this
but i swear
i miss you like i've never missed anyone before

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

if u ever read this post
i really hope we will reconciled
and make up for all those times we wasted
figuring out what we both were thinking
i just want things back
it dosen matter
if you wanna emo all day
it dosent matter
as long as we know that we have each other

i have been trying
trying to crack my brain
each day to make things right
for us to be like what we used to
please
i will regret not doing this
if i were to..

sighs
everyday
i look forward
to receiving a msg from you
but its been long
real long since i received one
from you.

i duno
i can't go on with this post
its just too much for me to handle
yes i have to agree
i am being so selfish here.
but i want you back.
thats all i got to say.

its been a while.
finally.
i got to see rai and leila back in class(:
i felt better.

selection of songs.
any recommendation?

a day at melaka.
was tiring and hectic
but yet fun and relaxing

i din take pictures.
coz i was busy.
busy sleeping in the bus. hehe.
dun scold me for sleeping
going to melaka is like how many hours sia..
and going to and fro in one day
is so so so so so so tiring.
so in the end
i couldn't make it for my 10 o'clock class.
i went for the 11 one instead.
den i rushed rushed rushed my project till 5
and then went for briefing

i am so scared hearing her talk about
the stage
what will we be doing
what time was the soundcheck
what time was the performance gonna be at
where to go
what to do.
who is coming down.

i felt so so so so so scared listening to her speak
and she pointed out
she thinks that i am fine when i am singing
but when i get up and off the stage is the problem
i just lose all my confidence.
"it's like you turn into a second person!" thats what she said.
thx for the comment
i'll try inprove on that
(:

and i still feel crazy
thinking about you, you and you!
argh so many things on my mind.
gotta sort them out.

aniwaes
its 0012 now
i gtg
nites peeplings
and ouh yes
happy belated new year(;

2008.
is now gone
it was full of ups
it was full of downs.
but thats what makes life interesting(;

spent 31st december with the bestest ever.
the three awesomest ones
u guys are the best.

i am happy and shock.
because i am one of nyp has talent finalist.
i really thank allah for giving me this oppurtunity.

but right now
i am at a lost.
because i am confused
of which song to sing.
what to wear.
how about stage arts?
how about my media studies booth?
yeap.
questions questions and more questions.
well.
do come down to suuport me anyway
alrighty?
on 9 jan
at the walkway between atrium and library.
there will be a sheltered stage build there(;
oh wells.
i will try my best(:

all i can think of right now
is that in a few hours
i will be off to melaka
to relax for one day.
thx mum(:
love you.

so nites peeplings.
and happy new year earthings(;