if telling yourself that you have to move on
to a new chapter is the best.
then i wish u all the best at the new beginning of an end.

if telling yourself u HAD loved us is the best.
well
u have hurt US
coz you very well know we
loved,love and still loving

but dun ever tell yourself that we USED TO BE the true-est
coz we are forever true.
we never blamed it on you.
and we have never betrayed your trust.
its just the way things are being handled.
coz we al know that
everyone is perfectly imperfect.

if telling yourself
you had
and not you have
well i guess we are your past.

so all the best.
just be a stronger you
if this is the best way to protect that thing.
so be it.

p.s- you never fail to make me miss u.

woooo.
its thirty first december...

within 24 hours i would have
already spent my day with
three beautiful people!

wahh
i can't wait
i can't wait.

and stop
stop all of this nonsense that u started.
stop taunting me
stop it really
its getting on my nerves
and for something to get on my nerves
it has to be something seriously
irritating.
before i just burst in front of u
really i swear.
how i wish i knew ur true self earlier.

argh.
i shall not let stupid things spoil my mood.
marina bay here i come(;

ouh ouh.
and something random
i love james blunt(;
i like his love love love.
niceeeeeeeee.

okay
i am done with trend analysis
i am a happy happy girl
nites peeplings(;

and there goes one day of school.

it wasn't that boring without them
but it wasn't that fun without them.
u get me?
i dun get myself.

yes nisah.
whine all u want
u can keep on whining all day.
coz u whine so so so so much more nowadays.
so girly.
well i dun know if thats good.

ouh
and suddenly i feel so tired.
maybe because its been like 2 weeks of break
and i am still in the mood.
or maybe its just because
of those unwanted stare's and glare's
or maybe just because i just feel tired.
just tired.
heh.
i dun make a single sense right now.

its so hard to make sense nowadays.
i dun even know why.
and now i am going back to my ica's.
argh
ica's right after school starts.
thx dear lecturer's(:
(smell the scarcasm)

i feel like popping all the eyes of those people out.
like seriously.
so irritating

i miss stage arter's
i miss raihana
i miss rosleila
i miss twin
i miss syaza

okay okay i will just go and on
if i dun get off right now.
so yeah
nites peeplings(;

breathe.

school's starting tomorow.
which marks the end of my break.

today.
i think i tried to help by going to the cinema's
but i gain nothing -_-""
damn lame
i know.

and 2009 is approaching.
every second.
i can't wait

for 2009.
my reslolution will be
to be quieter.
to talk less think more.
to lose weight.
and most importantly
to be happy and healthy(;
ouh ouh
one more
not to get my heart broken again.(;

nothing much to blog.
so nites peeplings(;

all i can think about right now is
how am i suppose to get my
media
related
job
managers
by
freaking
MONDAY!

i am panicking.
i duno if faris and eileen(my group members)
have done it =X
arghh
i think i better go out to the cinema's tomorow.

no.
not to watch movies.
how iw ish i could
but to ask the managers whether they are willing
to be the interviewee.

maybe
i could treat myself to one movie.
we'll see.

ouh ouh.
soundcard christmas party was
AWESOME!
though the crowd was disappointing.
in fact there wasn't even a crowd.
there we only us(soundcard-ers)
and three ballroom guys.

but hell yeah we had fun
more than we could ever imagine.

and yes.
i came early to help out with the deco.
and to k-po around
though i am not one of the committee members.
but seriously.
the party rocks.

but we had a hard time cleaning the spray that was stuck to the carpet.
we were trying so hard to find ways.
to clean up the carpet.

but
there was a casulty.
we din really like the person
but i was worried
coz the spray went into his eyes!
everyone was so calm
i was the only one panicking with the ballroom guys.
they took him to the toilet
and help him cover the eye.
and now
he is still with the eye patch

so we continued cleaning the carpet
and yes.
for three minutes of fun spraying
we had to clean for 1 hour.
but with many hands.
everything was done.
by 11(:

so we headed home.
with me talking to this stranger
so randomly about the bus.
so daring.
taking the last bus home.
after laughing like one fatimah rocker at the party.
was scary.
when i got off the bus.
i had to walk alone.
then.
i saw MUM!
she was waiting for me
thanx mum(:

okay i am turning in
nites peeplings(;

i am already 17.

and after 17 years.
i never get a date for valentine's ):
wahhh.
so sad mannnnnn.

and today i was just thinking
wouldn't it be nice.
to get one in 2009.
but i bet.
it won't happen.

but no worries.
the time will come(:
nites peeplings(:

i was just too angry at that point of time.
i am sorry alright(:
and i love you twin.


i can't believe it.
my holiday
is coming to an end.
sad
but happy.
like finally i can see
leila and rai.
everyday!
miss them so much lah.

oh my goodness..
now i sound like some minah siol!
hahahaha.

tomorow will be christmas party(:
in school -_-"
but hey.
at least i meet those lovely bunch of people(:

and yes.
i can't wait for 31'st december!
picnic with bestest friend.
fauzianna,mariah and hakim(:
wahhhh.
so long never meet them):
and i can't wait for PICHA'S!

and u know something!
nah, i will tell u next time.
or never!
hahaha

when am i gonna have a stage arts outing?
i miss them too.

okaylah.
thats all i got to say.
take care.
and sorry too mum.

nites peeplings(:

finally.
i decided.

i will no longer long for u.
so no more white cow.
and now
i'll be free.
free from whatever it is.

i duno
i am just happy.
so i can stop thinking
coz i am tired of thinking

and i hate my face now!
u know why??
coz got alot of pimple marks):
and its uneven.
i duno what else i can do to make it smooth again
just like the olden days!
omgawdssssss
i am getting old. -_-"""

and finally
after so long.
i sound like me(:
nites earthlings!

follow with the flow nisah!
dengar ckp hid!
FOLLOW WITH THE FLOW.

and if u ask me if i love him.
i'd lie.

i just have two things to say.

things are getting complicated

and

wedding gowns are beautiful.
i wanna try all of them on!
***after i lose weight(:

nites and toodles(:

so many questions.
so little answers.

i can't reveal the questions.
i can just reveal the answers.

i want to get out of this confusion.
i want to be happy.

hid says if i really do perform
with him
for one last time

i will not be able to forget him
instead
i would miss him more.

why do i always talk about myself
and then go on to him
i don't want to
but my fingers just keep on typing.

i have to get things straightened out.
i have to clear my mind

and now
i keep on counting
i can't help it
but count how long
other people's relationship would last.
i know i shouldn't
i'm sorry.

and you know what.
i feel freaking fat.
seriously. i need to lose it all.
i need to
run
swim
skip
cycle
and do everything i can
just to lose weight.

and after 2 days
i finally realise that
the seniors are really leaving
they won't be with us anymore.
i will miss them):
i will especially miss farhanah's burokness
and anjana's funny aura.
and syidah's "MAMPAT!"
together with sarah's calm expression.
as well as rabia's funny laughter.

oh wells.
wake up nisah!
thats life!
people come people go.
but i am glad that i am part of their life's
even just for a while(:

you don't know what you have till its gone
and i am not gonna make that mistake.
sayang semua(:

and there finally
i got the answer(:

a proud 5 pointer(:
i am proud and happy for him

jia you white cow!

okay i am all cheered up now(:

and to blue cow!
CONGRATS DEAR!
AKU JUGAK YANG SORANG AKHIRNYA.

i noticed something

remember 25 july?

when i was suppose to perform with you?

for the last time?

with our song, my heart?

well i sacrificed that performance

for my dearest stage arts annual production.

i knew i did the right choice

but at the same time.

i miss-ed u.

yesterday 18 december.

i thought of coming down to school to watch u

getting your results.

from a distance.

but

once again

i went for stage arts alumni night instead.

and once again

i miss-ed u.

is this a way of allah telling me that

we are just not fated?

i duno.

i dun wanna think that way.

but twice in a row.

i miss-ed you.

and now i am sitting on my chair

with my hair untied.

staring at my laptop screen.

looking at my messenger list.

looking at your display name.

having the temptation to click and ask

but

i am afraid.

i don't wanna risk anything.

it will be too wierd.

arghhh.

if only anyone could help me.

just how was the results?

did he make it to sec 5?

or did he score so badly?

was he disappointed?

if he didn't make it to sec 5.

will i ever see him again in school?

will we ever sit on the same bus?

next to each other

trying to act as if everything's fine?

will we ever meet at future red cross events?

will there be any chance that we will perform that song?

ever again?

oh allah.

please give me one more chance.

for me to sing with him.

give me one more chance

to look deep into his eyes.

to have that final chance

to stand beside him

pretending that we are lovers.

please allah.

i am feeling low right now.

really low.

so i think i will move on to alumni night.

it was fun

especially decorating the room

hanaffi was so happy.

it looks as if someone's wedding.

with the patterns on the windows.

a silky cloth hanging from one side of the ceiling to the other.

the disco ball smack in the middle

the small little silver balls made by sheila and suma in one of the cloth

everything was pretty except me):

who cares right i know i am not.

the atmosphere was amazing.

like so rewang. HAHAHA

only without the chicken and the bawang.

too bad neela, david and vicki were not there.

and i know i sucked during the play.

i know i am not a good actor after all.

but like i said

who cares? it dosen't matter to anyone.

after talking about alumni night

i still don't feel any better.

and if you bothered to read from the start till here.

u are a great friend.

i thank you alot.

so i guess

thats it

i will u guys off the burden to hear all my emo stuff

i hate being emo seriously

okay nites

take care

baatche's
something that i have not mention for a long time.
does the term even still exist.
i duno
i seriously duno.

i think
i wanna do something.
i duno what.
i'll figure that soon(:

can i be the fun and bubbly old me?
i duno why
but i feel dull.

if i had a chance.
if i had a choice whether to fall for you or not.
i would have still said yes.

life always has its ups and downs.
and friend i think that u are having ur downs.
but don't look down.
always try to look up so that u don't miss the other fun things
so don't be alone okay(:

and today will be alumni nite(:
can't wait.
see all those people in pretty dresses
and handsome tuxedos!
cute nyer!!

sometimes i don't make sense
and i am not making any single sense right now!
hahaha

so yeah
thats all.
take care peeplings(:
nites

i suddenly realise.
that i've been thinking about so many people feelings.
but i never cared abit about my feelings.

i do everything to help people.
but i do nothing to help myself.

i miss zainal's son.
and yes i am talking about white cow.
its been a few months since i last saw him.
the typical place that we always meet.
the bus number 83.

during sec 4.
i tired to help myself.
but did it work?
no. it never did.
instead things just got miserable.

5 nov 2007.(12.45 am)
was the day.
that you really broke my heart white cow.
u msged me.
saying u were sorry for avoiding me.
and you were doing that because.
u did not like me.
i did not cry.
coz i new i still had paper to sit for the next day.

6 nov 2007.(2.00 pm)
it was o-levels poa paper 2.
it was the day.
where i realise i was thinking abt the msg during the paper.
i realise i couldn't attempt a single question.
i just tried to write as many things as i could.
after 2 hours.
i just broke down
on the way out of the examination hall.

it was the day.
i was laughing for one second.
and i was crying for the other.
the cycled repeated.
lasting for more than 30 minutes.

all i could remember was.
you.
your msg.
my handphone that contains the msg.
the poa paper.
only those were the things that i could think of.

i managed to calm down.
with the help of my social studies teacher.
thx mr lee(:

if only you understood how hurtful your msg was.
if only i did something about it.

until now.
december 17 2008.
we cannot talk normally.
i dun think you know i can't forget u.
i duno.

i wish you all the best for N's results.


i don't see any point.
in me trying to get over you.
when i fucking know i can't.

i see no point
in me trying to ignore anyone.
or everyone.

i don't see why
i shouldn't come to see my juniors,
just to avoid you.
i no longer care.
i would be happy to see you.
but if u are not.
than too bad
there is nothing you can do.

aiyah.
what am i talking about?
i am ranting like nobodys business.
and its about U!
enough for today.
i feel better now(:

and now

sitting in front of my laptop

with tied up hair

blogging abt today.

so today.

i felt like a rich girl.

i really did.

it was a cab ride to singapore flyer.

a ride on singapore flyer.

dinner at swensens.

a perfume.

and a cab ride back home.

thx sis for today(:

i'll treat you when i start working alright(:

i din upload all the pictures.

but at least there are some rite?

i'll now let the pictures do the talking alrite?

me and hilmi(:


see that small idiot with the headphone?
that idiot claim that he was listening to music.
whe it actual fact it was a in-audio introductory to singapore flyer.
haha. retard. (my nephew btw)



sorry for the face.
i had to take a picture quickly to avoid being laughed at by my sis.


nice rite?
with the not so bright sun.


and thats marina barrage.

and there stands a future nation builder.

and this not so great photo.

is to show the capsule on top of us(:

ouh this retard was running in ths capsule.

immitaing people who were taking photos.

how cute(:

and this not awesome photo.

was to capture the capsule below us


there are definitely more awesone photos

but a lazy bum like me just won't upload it.

to know how pretty it looks like

take the singapore flyer.

DURING THE NIGHT(:

okay.

take care people.nites(:

raindrops.
thats the title of the play.

we humans.
are like raindrops.
every single on of us/them is/are different.
we just have to wait and hope that
one day.
the right raindrop. will come down on us.
in simpler words.
the right one.
don't search for love.
let it search for you.

but to me.
the most important thing in love.
is not what you get
but what you give.
time will tell.

i understand guys.
i don't understand girls.
weird enough?
yes. i know.
i don't understand how we girls.
want the guys to do so much.
i don't understand why we talk about love so much.
and right now.
i don't understand myself.
contradicting enough?

and once again.
today i wondered off.
on my own.
once again
at tampines.
i just din want to go home so early.
i wanted my own time.
my own space.
its peaceful when you are alone.

let me just have a simple mind.
i want to get over and done with school.
get a job.
get married
take care of my parents and children(:

i just love my life now.
with lesser people around.
coz i find that
they are the only ones who are true.
who will always be with you.
loving you for who you are.

day by day.
hour by hour
minute by minute.
i realise things.
more things.
i think i'm piecing up myself.
i'll keep on searching.
till i understand myself.

i've learnt.
to understand another human being.
is to understand your own being.

i've learnt.
true friends are really true.
friends are just there during happy times.

i've learnt.
family and home
are the only two places you will find yourself real safe.
no matter what happens.
no matter what you do.
family will always be there.

i love Allah.
i love my family.
i love my home.
i love my true friends.
i like my friends.
syukran Allah.
alhamdullilah.

what you've given me.
is the best gift that anyone can ever have.
i'm contented.
i just hope he won't take them away.

if he does.
i'll cry.
but i'll be fine
coz i know.
he loves them(:
thank you once again Allah(:

finally school ended

now its break(:

but i'll still be kept busy with ica's

and drama(:

had fun after school.

went to plaza singapura with lydia and cecillia.

to meet priscilla and annie.

we ate kfc.

talk talk talk.

laugh laugh laugh.

gossip gossip gossip.

neoprint neoprint neoprint.

i'm very happy.

but i don't know why i am not smiling.

maybe i am tired thats why.

well aniwae.

well done people for the second sem(:

we managed to get through all the icas<3

so mr breakie here i come(:

i don't want anything normal.

i dun wan a digital camera.

i wan a polaroid camera(:

anyone? pweety please(;

polaroid camera is loved(:

i know your not fine.
and if i asked if you were.
would u lie?


i duno.
take care and cheer up alright.
i hope you will feel better tomorow.


and i have something random.
i miss him.
i mean white cow.
only hid knows(:

a few hours back i was sitting in my classroom.

supposedly to be doing my tutorial

but the condition is just too incondusive to do work.

just one reason why.

ITS TOO FREAKING COOOOOLLLLD.

and if you guys don't know.

i can't stand being in the cold.

thats one way to shut me up.

today.

i had my braodcast presentation.

we had to do a stand upper.

which means that we have to report live at a scene

so there i was standing with a mic.

looking straight into the camera

with que cards in my hand. trembling.

it was just my hands and the que cards.

everything else was fine.

i just hope the camera din capture the quecards=x

aniwae.

i miss so many people right now.

especially this girl below.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY DEAR(:

8 years and still counting(;

hope it will last even longer.

sorry couldn't join you at sakura.

don't worry alright sweetie. we will meet. soon enough(:

take care loves(:

thats all people! toodles(:

yesterday.

today.

tomorrow.

i dun know

whether i still do.

i just can't tell.

but whenever she talks about u.

i get happy and excited.

dun ask me why.

i don't know the answer.

i was scanning through your album.

found one super super unglam photo.

in the year of 2006.

to be exact. it was dated

041106.

WARNING!

what you are about to see might cause some shock.

viewer discreetion is advised.

see.. wipe those puke off your screen pplease. HAHAHA

okay lah. i gtg photo taking tomorow. nyp talent and screening tomorow as well.

take care peeps(:

happy hari raya haji(:

today i discovered.

i discovered that watermelon is hard to cut!
randomness i know(:

sometimes i think they deserve this.
deserve being ignored by dad.
because of what they did to mum.
i shall not elaborate.

i feel jealous.
jealous of those whom are close to their cousins.
just like i desire for a perfect family.

when i was younger.
i used to look forward to meet them.
but now.
not anymore.
instead i dread seeing them.
i hate their filthy mouths.
their foolish minds.
their itchy hands.

loans are loans.
10,000 is not little money.
how can you just produce 50 dollars in 8 months?
do you think we are stupid?
argh you just piss me off.

don't ever dare come to dad
whenever you are in need of help
not ever again.
though we will always help you in the past.
past is past.
not any more today.
not any more tomorrow.

i hate you people for using black magic.
just to make my mum suffer.
stupid adults.

at the very least.
i am happy cause today was one of the day.
my family got together.
i love them(:

and you know what.
i've not done my ica.
i better rush now.
take care people.
and i'll draw you a smile(:

arhhh
im soo happy
im too happppy.

just because my new blogskin is nice
AND I PLACED SONGS!!

yey!
ya allah
happy nyer aku.

i'm too easy to please(:
oh wells.
i am a happy girl(:

alhamdullilah.
my new blogskin is up!
i am happy(:

well sadly i didn't go out today.
but oh wells(:

on friday was orion finals.
i went to support
everyone who got through(:
shaiful won for duet and young composer

i love his winning composing song
title: am i still your friend.
i cried.
coz it was something i could relate to.
well done shaiful(:

for the solo category,
it was a rather tough fight.
and syakirah emerge as the champion(:
congrats syakirah(:
you're a star(:

i must say.
i am envious of those who could perform on that stage.
i hope i can next year(:

arghhh.
its 2.26 am and im still here blogging.

amazing things always happens to amazing people.
but extraordinary things happen to ordinary people(:
so don't lose hope everyone
jia you!

(:

hey peeplings(:
arh.
lifes been better.
i wonder when will things get better.
insyallah soon enuf.soon enuf.

rai told me that she tagged me before to do a quiz.
and true enough she did but i just din take note of it.
so here comes the quiz.

ten random facts about me.

1) i don't like to eat toooooooooo sweet stuff.
2) i only eat fish with no bones(unless someone peels the fish for me)
3) i dun eat a lot of seafood, and fruits.I HATE VEGGIES.
4) i always lie to you guys as well as myself( self-denial)
5) i love my friends(:
6) i hate jerks.
7) i had thoughts of suicide/ being a lesbian
8) i dun really laugh when i type haha during instant messaging.
9) i wish he would know.
10) i said i can't fall in love with anyone during poly life.(duno whether true or not)

ten things i wanna do before i turned 18
1) i wanna kill someone.
2) i want him to know. that i am still.
3) shout in pubblic.
4) get shoo-ed from somewhere because of something.
5) i wanna be mean and make a guy cry.
6) i want to shout at people who are not kind.
7) i wanna walkout of a lecture!
8) i wanna learn to play the guitar.
9) i wanna be a better singer.
10) do something sweet for anyone.
(i think i have to remake this list)haha!

i love you(:

i am really worried.
something just dosen't feel right.
i feel uneasy.

ignorance is never bliss i sweaar.
whoever made that line is stupid.
okay im so mean =x

i'm feeling real cold and sick again.
but i am happy(:

be patient
and efforts will all be payed off(:
it will be worth it.
i know it will.

akhirnya sayang semua.
fill my life with colours!

alhamdullilah
what else can i say
thank you allah.
for everything.
really i thank you.

things are getting better.
though they are not back to normal,
at teh very least.
its getting better.
syukran allah.

outing to sentosa with cvss gf's were great.
its always great with love(:
picha's were taken
tonnes.
i never regret things went this way.
i am really thankful.

well i miss stage arter's now.
i miss kakak dear.
i miss azizi friend.
*its been more than six months since we last spoke.
and mostly
I MISS TWIN!
i miss doctor julian.HAHA!

to gf's sorry if i said anything wrong.
in the past.
really sorry.
thats all because i loved you guys(:
sayang korang(;

akhirnya.
sayang semuanya.

i wan picha's!

im smiling. i really am.

walk around aimlessly with nowhere in mind to go.

thats what i've been doing(:

hmm.

yes i love my family.
i spent 16 hours at home.(with them)
i talk to them like less than 20 minutes.
get back to work.
thats life now.
i miss calling ayah 'berok'.

but if i really do call him that.
i duno whether i'll get a slap from him.
haha
too old for all this ayah will say.
i malay of course.

today was performance day actuallly
but i din peform in the end
minus-1 cocked up
but had fun yeah
i love soundcard and its people(:
and ya.

can everyone stop effing blog about me
so irritating.
u just dun realise if u are puttingg me aside.
i've had enough.
and i've grown up.
so i hope you grow up to(:

i miss stage arts):
i miss cvss gfs
i miss everyone
(:
sayang semua.

sometimes you just need to breakdown

before straightening out your thoughts.

and doing what you have to do(:

im alright now(:

when the world just comes crashing down on you


when you realise you're all alone


when you don't have a home.


when you no longer can fake a smile.

breakdown. its been a while.

Alhamdullilah
today twin turns 16 finally.
it was a long wait.(:

i've got so much things to tell you twin
how i appreciate you.
how i loved you.
okay i shall stop before i sound like a lesbian.

I WANNA MEET U(:
but sadly i dun have time):
soon k twin soon(;

moving on.
shitty thins happen.
and if you realise
i always say that.

but i believe things will get better.
i know it will.

i miss going to old folks home.
i miss doing service to those who need them most.
at least they know how to appreciate.

i've learnt that
when you give help
to different kinds of people.
you will receive different results.
i know of some.

as many say patience is a virtue.
i guess it really is.
coz while i can still breathe,
i'll try to be as patient as i can.
i have to believe
i have to

sorry twin.
i just can't do what you would do.
standing up for your own right.
i'm a weakling.
i just dun wanna make things worst.
i dun wanna hurt anyone. anymore.

and julian.
through this tough journey right now
we were able to like come together.
and i learnt lots of new stuff about you.
i have to admit.
you are one of those who have matured.
don't stress yourself about it alright.
coz you know we both have TONNES of work.
keep yourself busy and it will slip your mind for awhile
at least for awhile.
and i'm saying all this as a friend(:
nothing more. nothing less.
thanx julian(:

so jia you to myself!
i will get through every shitty thing that occurs!
JIA YOU!