Hanisah Hasim

i'm still holding on.
not to love. friends.
if not friends at least to a sister.

blogging
just one of the ways to communicate.
this is all i can do right now.

to busy and stuck with work.
work, work and more work.

there are tonnes of bad things about me
i swear there are.
one of them that i HATE most is
being too sensitive to every single word i hear.

i just don't think i had rushed u
if u think i did.
well.
i'm not sorry at all
coz i know
what i did or said
was sincere in helping u
really.i said those words with all my heart.

when i said those people around you loved you
THEY REALLY DO LOVE YOU
when i said things wasn't your fault
IT REALLY WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

i was just too disappointed on you pushing me aside
when in the past
you would always tell me what u have in mind.
what you feel
i always told you even when things get worst
u can always count on me

but when it really did
you just stopped.
the feeling was worst than
the time
when i lost a friend
a good friend.
just like that
but now
its worst
coz i was
losing a sister.

but i guess
its okay that you still have dehwee.
u will always have dehwee to talk to

what about me?
i don't have.
i won't have a sister whom i can share stuff with.
whose always there supporting me
always together tru think and thin.
happy and sad.
funny and angry.

you may say
i have others to talk to.
but do u know
how lonely i really am
how i really feel as thou everyone is pushing me away.
my cvss mates.
my good friends.
and now
my closest one

and now
i've also broken a promise to a friend
whom i promise
to cheer u up
everytime i meet u.
i'm sorry friend.

i think i'm affected by all this
that my mind's in a whirl.
my mood goes from left,right,up,down
and my health.
its getting worst.
falling sick,
emotionally
physically
mentally

i just hope you don't regret every decision you make.
i hope you are glad with every move you make.
it was hard.
but i'm contented
coz at least you have her by your side.

yours sincerely: hanisah

P.S. i still don't know what i mean to you.