Hanisah Hasim

because this time.
it feels worst then ever.
everything was fine.
till it happen.

i hate how much i love you.
i dun dare to say it to u.
notice the change in the words.
well i guess only my blog would know.

because i am not worried abt me being hurt.
i am more worried abt you and your exams.
i am afraid how affected you would get.
and i am afraid i love you.

i just wished you would have tried understanding
understanding how afraid i am
i was afraid of hurting you.
because i care.
because i know i am the hardest to handle
i dun want to repeat the same mistake i did to someone.
but i think this time round its true.
and
i just wish you would try one more time
and this time round i will make things right.
because i don't want to lose you.

because right now i cant even blink properly.
and i am so angry
angry with myself.
and just when i wish things last forever.
it end.
and i have a feeling ill cry to sleep again.
and wake up crying again.

and in front of all
the hardest part was to
be the joker like i always do in madrasah.
because for a joker. i was too quiet today
too moody too gloomy too sleepy.
and they notice.

i wondered aimlessly today.
it was the long bus ride.
it was the long walks alone
not knowing where to go or what to do.
i tried to find ways.
but everything i do or think comes back to you.
well i dun even know if u will ever read this.
but i know two things for certain
that things aren't the way i wanted it to be.
and that i love you